Trail People

So earlier I promised you, dear reader, some stories from my 30 day hiking trip/adventure out west. Last night I was thinking about all the weird people I met on the trail, lots of unique characters. Because, for the majority of our trip, we were walking and hitch hiking everywhere we went, and we oscillated from relative solitude in the mountains to some highway thoroughfare that stood between us and our next destination, we ended up speaking to nearly every person we saw. A lot of people have a misconception that hiking is very lonely, it is not. Don't get me wrong, you do get lots and lots of alone time, but I probably met more people there than I meet in a typical year. Many of them were oddballs, people hiking the PCT, strange hippies, lost souls, some "regular" ol tourists. Here is a list of the characters we met, and some facts about them. Most of the time, we never learned anyone's name, or they were using a trail name, a false moniker to represent their trail-self. It's like an avatar, only (slightly) less lame. I had a trial name. Ha. I will start chronologically from the beginning of the trip, and work towards the end, and I'll intersperse some pictures I took of the areas where we met these people.

YOSEMITE VALLEY

1. Jake: about to start med school at dartmouth, rode a train across russia, was working on a farm in NoCal, has knee problems, likes to hike. Is from Maine. Is now my friend. hung out together at the hiker's camp in the valley for the day while waiting for our passes, hiked the first day on the trail with us. never seen again, except on facebook.
2. Two guys with bivvy sacks: nice, left one day ahead of us. helped us with our maps and some logistics in the hiker's camp in yosemite valley. 
3. Guy With rearranged Fingers: He had a mohawk, and worked at vermillion valley resort, and was playing with this GPS because he got lost in the backcountry recently and had to call 911 to get his longitude and latitude, and had to write it in sand. His fingers look like they were cut off and put on wrong. He was kind of a dick.
4. Autistic Ultralight hiker: was carrying almost nothing. no tent, slept under a mosquito net. had a bladder of wine, however. very strange character, but nice. met him in little yosemite valley on the first night. I imagine his idiosyncratic nature worked well with the particularities of ultra light hiking. he also biked across america, so he claims. 
5. Asian Couple plagued by mosquitos: met them at cathedral pass. The mosquitos were bad, they had no DEET whatsoever, and were going to leave the trial. as the boyscouts say, Be Prepared. They took this picture of us in front of cathedral peak.

PICTURE BY CATHEDRAL PEAK TAKEN BY UNPREPARED ASIAN COUPLE

6. British Climbing Teacher: he is both a teacher and a climber. He came from england to climb, we met him as we descended into tuolumne meadows. He also gave us a lift into tuolumne proper, which was nice. we spoke about america, england, climbing, US foreign policy. He feels out of shape, likes teaching. I think he lives in florida. Nice guy. His buddy met us at the bottom. We smelled bad, and I left my gloves in his car, which he gave to the lost and found at the store in tuolumne, and then i was able to retrieve them. Nice guy.

Lyell Canyon

7. Rattler: told us increasingly crazy and probably increasingly false stories about rattlers: one time he saw a rattler, one time he stepped on a rattler, one time he sat IN A  DEN OF RATTLERS. I loved that guy.
8. Research Dick: asked him what his deal was, said he was doing research, was a dick.
9. Pack of trail workers: they were literally running down the trail (which was flat at this part, but still) through lyell canyon, with large packs and shovels and picks. One of the guys was lagging, and seemed upset about it. He had a long queue on his head, and told us that "this is bullshit," and then ran on down the trail.

10. Teacher Man: He is one of my fondest characters, perhaps because we ran into him a few times. He was a fat man, with a big moustache/beard thing. We passed him in lyell canyon, he was huffing and puffing up the first half of donohue pass. We made camp at a large river crossing halfway up donohue pass (10500 ft!), and Teacher Man camped there as well. He met this other fellow on the trail, Little Teacher (all these names were bestowed by me and Nehama), who was thin. Teacher Man told him that he could show him how some of the backcountry behind Thousand Island Lakes, so they decided to hike together. Teacher Man was full of advice for everyone, and talked a lot, and farted alot too. But he taught us how not to be afraid of bears. We all ate together on the bridge over the gushing river, with nervous trepidation about our trek over donohue pass (11000 ft). We set off in the morning before Teacher Man. We ran into Little Teacher a few days later near Thousand Island Lakes, who was sitting by the trailside reading a Ben Franklin book. Apparently they had some sort of falling out: Little Teacher felt that Teacher Man  was too slow, he got him off course, the backcountry sucked. So Little Teacher was about to break up with Teacher Man. After an awkward greeting with Teacher Man once he caught up, the tension between the two teachers was palpable. Little Teacher broke up with Teacher Man then, and set off with us. Teacher Man herumphed mightily, and grumbled about all the fish he would catch in the next few days on the backside of Thousand Island Lakes. 
11. Teenagers hiking in blue jeans: their knife was way too large, and they were hiking very slowly.

12. Old Couple: Near Rush Creek. Nice folks, barely knew them. Pointed us towards a good campsite down by Rush Creek, nice place to camp in solitude. We washed our clothes thoroughly there, as the creek formed a small pond. I then soaked my feet, made a delicious dinner, and enjoyed some coffee before turning in with the sun up at 730 pm. The next day we did a series of log crossings over some perilously rushing rivers, and nehama was scared. I had to come back and hold her hand, walking backwards, across the log. She is sweet.
13. Songbird: a well known PCT hiker that season, she carried a guitar with her, thus her name. For some reason, PCT hikers were always looking for her. 
14. Donovan: Quite a unique character. He was a tall, gaunt fellow, with a long beard, and trouble in his eyes. looked to be around late twenties, early thirties. We ran into him a few times, and so hung out with him when we camped at the relatively "populated" Reds Meadows. He was troubled, though he liked to play as if he had found zen. He was definately searching for something. I gathered, through some hints, from our conversations, that he used to be an accountant, went to IU Bloomington in fact, but recently became sickened with that life, liquidated his 401k, and used the money to set out on the trail. He had some other sorts of travels before the trail as well. He met up with another character, Joey, a nice hippie girl, who comes from a family that is not hippie. They have been dating since they hiked together through the desert. I think she saw him naked prior to dating at some hot springs down there, and they fell in "love." Their relationship was a farce, much like them: they are running from something and towards something, though they only have a handle on the former, and no clue on what the latter is. Donovan smoked a ton of weed, and would take any drug he could get his hands on. Fortunately, drugs were scarce on the trail, but he made some mention of being hung up on a layover day in Mammoth Lakes because of a big bender. THere was also an incident with a rental car that I do not fully recall.
15. Crazy Guitar Guy: We also met him at Reds Meadow. He befriended donovan initially, who introduced us to him. He was married, with kids, but set out on the JMT alone, with his guitar. He was a manic type, who put up money for a cabin at Reds and bought everyone beer and food. He spent money like nuts, and just wanted to have a huge party all the time. A whole group of us gathered at his cabin, and he played his guitar non stop. He tweaked his knee, and was getting off the trail, and his excitement for going back to society was fueling his manic episode. Donovan and Joey secured a spot in the extra bed in his room. THey wanted us to sleep in there with them, but they made me nervous, so I said no. Best to follow your instincts. I think they were offput by that, as they were cold to me from then on, but we were setting off the next morning in opposite directions, so I didnt really give a crap. I felt like Crazy Guitar Guy could do something really crazy. Nehama did use his shower however, and got to use actual shampoo, so that was nice. Reds also has a hotspring fed shower that was built in 1920. It is very nasty, but the hot water was FAB. I really enjoyed it. 
16. Unprepared Runaway: young teenage boy, set off on the trail without proper preparation, like a lot of things teenage boys do. He hiked the high peaks without enough food, and was bogged down in the snow, and based on his picture on his liscense, lost a shitload of weight because of it. He looked like he could get into some serious trouble. He did not have money, nor enough food. THere was some good food in the backpacker barrells (free food that people abandon), so he was able to restock, but he could very well be dead. He vied for acknowledgment and acceptance from Donovan. He really liked him. But donovan is a poor role model.
17. Teenage Shitheads: group of bastards, who said we'd all split the cost of the campsite at Reds, and then took the money and never registered, and tried to book early in the morning. I called him out on it, and he gave me my money back. But I told him that he's a fucking asshole for leaving me high and dry here, that I didnt want to have to flee first thing in the morning before the ranger comes around. 
18. Frenchies: I love the frenchies. They were a couple from france, about mid thirties. They were hiking in all black, with VERY SHORT shorts. I swear i could see the bottom of his balls. that's how short they were. Nehama, who speaks french, mediated our nice conversation and evening together camping. We spoke about the french healthcare system, france, america, the trail, etc, and he left his email address in my trailbook. his name was Gil, and his wife's name was Natasha. Very nice folks, maybe I'll call them if i'm ever in france.
19. Fat Guys who tell bad stories: family of obese guys who were hiking to lose weight. they are from LA, and told us these inane tails about their property values there. They spoke very close to my face, and wouldn't let up. They lost lots of weight already, so kudos to them for doing the trail. But I was happy to leave them the following morning.
20. Spiderman: never met him, but found his note with his abandoned food. He was allergic to whey protein, which I was not allergic to, so I now had a full restock of delicious oatmeal breakfasts with whey protein added.
21. Fallen Horse Packtrain: Horse fell off a cliff. very scary.

22. Major Asshole: after hiking 14 miles to the hot springs, which are entirely off-trail, we arrive at the base of the mountain containing the hotsprings, and stumble upon the first pool. In it is Major Asshole, who is a major because he wore an army hat, and an asshole because of the following: we said "yes! we arrived." and he said, "this pools taken, sorry gotta camp elsewhere." and we said, "where are the other pools?" and he said, "you have to find them yourselves, I'm not going to tell you the secret spots." so we said go fuck yourself and headed on. Also, we could see his small wang through the clear water, which was awkward, but more so for him. We hiked up and up this muddy mountain, with no clue where the hot springs would be.
    Our only advice was from a guy in a shoe store in Mammoth saying, "go higher than you think you should go, its up there, the apartment in the sky." Well we went up, and more up, and more up, until the sun set behind the valley. This was about to turn from shit to fuck. I left nehama
    with my pack, so I could seek higher ground at a greater vantage point. I took the whistle to signal her. I scrambled up a rock face (twist!), and there to the right, I saw the glimmer of a pool, tucked under a large pine tree. I sprinted to it, and there it was, the apartment in the sky, a beautiful campsite, nestled in the trees, with a pool overlooking the valley. I signalled nehama with the whistle, eventually found her and led her up to the site. It was all ours for the next few days. 2 days later, Major Asshole comes ambling up the mountain in what looks like a bee suit. He was apparently looking for our site. We told him, "sorry this one is taken. Bitches!" HA! trail karma, gets ya every time. 
23. Guy Who Claimed to Have Built Apartment in the Sky: we met him on the way back from the hotsprings, he claims to have built that site. Dont believe him. He was with two nasty looking young dudes, with tons of piercings and a scowl on their face, smoking cigarettes on the trail.
24. C: girl who works at coffee shop in Mammoth Lakes. She told us we could find some cheap food at the gas station next door, just tell them C sent us. We told them, and they said, "who?" and we  said, "the girl from teh coffee shop." and he replied, "who?" and we said, "forget it." She was vulgar, but super nice and gave us a ton of free food.
25. Fake therapist: guy with a bachelors in psychology somehow practicing as a family therapist. Didnt know shit about it, and was really just a ski bum. Gave us a lift to tioga pass, where we camped by a blue grass concert and hitched back into Yosemite Valley. 

26. Irresponsible Fireman: latino looking man, who was at the bluegrass concert. He was a
    fireman who was saw around in Mammoth. He brought his little daughter to this concert, who he stuffed in the car to sleep while he went and got shitfaced with his friends. He slept somewhere that wasnt the car, and his daughter woke up in the morning disoriented and crying. she cried for her dad for a while, until he eventually woke up. He was irresponsible. 
27. Puma: ridiculous character. Met him at the bluegrass concert. He was wearing what looked like a cape or a rug. He had a long pony tail, and a large puma tattooed on his arm. We spoke briefly, he gave me the wilderness guy handshake, where they grab your whole forearm. He told me his name is Puma. I asked him why. he said its because one time he was tracked for 30 miles through the mountains by a puma. eventually they faced off in a box canyon, to which he was led by the puma, and after a prolonged staring contest, the puma backed off, because "he felt my
    energy." Crazy. Love it.
28. Climbing Lady: moved to yosemite to climb, gave us a hitch partway into the valley. SHe is a climbing instructor, and was going to pick her child up at white wolf, which is someplace in yosemite.
29. Girl Hitching with hula hoops: Climbing Lady picked her up while we were in the car, apparently they knew each other. How do you hitch with so many hula hoops?

30. Thai Exchange Students: Picked us up and drove us into the valley. Agreed to even drive us back to san francisco, thus saving us days of travel and at least $100. They wanted to hang out in the Valley for the day, so we split up that day and walked around on our own. We went and
    retrieved abby's leaking water bladder, which i stashed under a shed, which was promptly eaten by squirrels. I told abby that it just broke and we threw it out. Hopefully she isnt' reading this. Thai Exchange Students were from chicago most recently, and came out west on a trip together. We had a nice ride back to "san Fran" and we even split a hotel room. Gotta shave off costs where ya can. We went together to get sushi in san francisco, and drove around in their car, and walked around golden gate park. We had a nice day together. I dont really remember their names, one was Joi, the other was like Huonglang. 

31. Geology Family: family out on the Lost Coast Trail with their 6 year old son. Dad was a geologist. He was doing great.SInce the lost coast is such a geologically active area, it was cool to speak with the geologist about it. He was up in cali for a conference, and decided to
    hike the lost coast while he was up here. Our original plans were to hike in 2 days, then hike back, since we had only 4 days to be out in the woods before our flight back to atlanta in san francisco. But hiking in had a 30 knot tail wind, so hiking back would have been utter hell. So nehama decided that we should try to hike to the end ( 3 days) and then hitchhike back to our rental car at the trail head. Hitchhiking through a very remote area, mountain roads with almost no people on it. what the fuck, lets try it. Our contingency was to pay for a van ride back to the trail head with Geology Family. $50 per person. So we hiked to the end, way ahead of geology family. We then proceeded to hitch.
32. No Shoes Silent Man: This guy was our second ride on our hitch back to the lost coast trailhead. He picked us up in the ramshackled old pickup, he was wearing cutoff shorts, no shoes, no shirt. He was about 60. He didnt speak, just was singing some old blues songs from the radio. He eventually dropped us off where the road met a dirt road, which he headed down. We then waited for our next hitch.

33. Pompous Chilled out Guy: our third, and final, hitch back to our car at the trailhead at Mattole Beach. This guy who picked us up was an english transplant to humboldt county, the marijuana growing capital of america. when I asked him what he does for work out in this remote region, he lambasted me for being such "an east coaster, just like the british. you don't judge people by their jobs, their status. out here you just talk to people, and eventually find out what they do. you dont wanna ask that question out here, because you might get killed for it." thank you, now relax. He left us off on the side of the road, told us he had an errand to run and would come pick us up again. we sat on our packs, ate lunch, drank the beer he gave us. and hoped. He eventually did come back, with his 5 year old son in the car. The son had caught a lizard, which he was downright strangling. Nehama cooed to him, I spoke with the brit. He was headed to a party that they volunteer fire department was throwing, thats what the pickup filled with beer was for. He dropped his son off with some shady woman at a campground, and then set off to go party. He stopped by the most remote store in america (so he claimed), and then dropped us off at mattole. We prepared dinner/lunch, pleased at our hitchhiking success, and then the van with Geology Family pulled up. He gave us all these fresh veggies he had stashed in his car. It was delightful.
34. Boring Researcher: girl at Mattole beach who offered to let us sleep at her site. she was doing really boring research surveys on wilderness preparedness. 
35. Hippies: I only mention these folks because I want to shamelessly congratulate myself. These hippies we met at Mattole after hitching back asked how we got back to our car, we said we hitched back, and they were all impressed and like, "whoa, that's nuts." because the area is so remote. nehama was very pleased that we out-hippied the hippies.